Yes. I sang it to the tune of M-I-C   K-E-Y    M-O-U-S-E

(alternately titled: I haven’t done a “Reasons why I hate Disney” post this year yet)

I’m just gonna assume that everybody who gets this e-mail has at least a passing  familiarity with The Boondocks. I’m excluding old folks. Well, really, just my mommy and aunties. Daddy, I’m SURE you probably have heard of, if not SEEN it. It’s your kinda show. Srsly.

Did y’all know that Uncle Ruckus’s name is a reference to Uncle Remus or Uncle Tom. He is the darkest-skinned character on the show. His name is also a reference to Amos Rucker, an African-American United Confederate Veterans member, who allegedly wanted to stay a slave after the United States Civil War. (Picks up eyeballs from the floor because EPIC EYEBALL ROLL). He is a black man who firmly doesn’t like black people– the world’s biggest “Uncle Tom”. An overweight, homely man with disproportionate eyes, he enjoys disassociating himself from other African Americans as much as possible, and is outspoken in his support of what Huey calls the “white supremacist power structure.”

I know y’all know about Uncle Tom. Because BOOKS.

But who’s that Uncle Remus fella?

 That there is James Baskett, the singer-dancer-actor who plays Uncle Remus, ex-slave in Walt Disney’s ‘Song of the South.’

Song of the South is about a young boy, who moves to his mother’s family plantation in Georgia right as his father leaves the family to fight…something. Nobody knows what. Alone and depressed, he’s comforted by the tall tales of Uncle Remus. While it’s implied that the black workers are no longer Johnny’s family’s property, they are still completely subservient, and happily so. Remus is a companion, and link between the live-action sequences and the animated ones involving Brer “don’t throw ME in the briar patch” Rabbit and Brer Fox

Fun Fact: Baskett was not allowed to attend the film’s premiere in Atlanta, Georgia because Atlanta was racially segregated by law.

ANYWAYS. Baskett won an “honorary” Oscar for “his able and heart-warming characterization of Uncle Remus, friend and story teller to (white)children of the world. Baskett also introduced the Academy Award-winning song “Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah.” (See? Songs I love, CHARACTERS I DON’T)

Moving on… The last time Disney released the film was 1986. But never in home video format in the US. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY.

And lest you think that I don’t have anything Black History Fact of the Day(ish) to add:

Did you know that James Baskett, a black man, was the VERY FIRST LIVE ACTOR hired by Disney?

And that’s it kids! Another month of “LOOK AT ALL THESE BLACK PEOPLE” in the can. I hope you learned something! Because I always do. After all, ain’t but so many ways you can learn about Martin, and Malcolm, and Harriet and Rosa. Other black people were out there doing shit too! And when they are, I’ll be back next February to tell you about it. Please enjoy not really thinking about black people doing stuff because we can only talk about that during February and tomorrow is March.

I don’t know about y’all. But July 4th is a pretty important holiday at my house. Most of the family (all the sides!) and a lot of friends come over for food and foolishness.
And I’m not gonna lie. THERE IS A LOT OF FOOLISHNESS. One year we had a HUGE water balloon fight. I was winning until Nesto climbed in the window with a water hose. I don’t think I have to tell you that’s cheating.
I wish I could say I was making this story up. Only. Have we met?
I can’t even tell you how hard it was to get that much water out of my living room. I’ll just leave it at VERY. IT WAS VERY HARD. (That is what she said. I can never resist. So I stopped trying)

And then the NEXT year, we had THE GREAT SUPER SOAKER WAR of whatever year that was.
The year where I was making a mad dash for safety and stepped in a hole and tore my Achilles but GOOD.
Sidenote: Say what you want about Kobe. If he could stand on both feet after tearing his Achilles and take free throws, he’s a BAMF. The End.
All those people who work at a hospital at my house. Some of them actually clinically inclined.
And the best they could come up with was to put my foot in a bucket of ice and fix me the largest Vodka drink known to man.
And then I spent the rest of my summer in brightly colored casts (hot pink, and green…the colors, Duke! The COLORS!)

While most people would blame the Vodka, or my general clumsiness, or hidden holes in the grass, I blame Lonnie Johnson.
Because he is the (black) man who invented the Super Soaker!

In 1989 Johnson formed his own engineering firm and licensed the Super Soaker water gun to Larami Corporation. Two years later the Super Soaker generated over $200 million in retail sales and became the best selling toy in America. Over the years, Super Soaker sales have totaled close to one billion dollars. Johnson reinvested a majority of his earnings from the Super Soaker into research and development for his energy technology companies – “It’s who I am, it’s what I do.” (Huh. I thought that praise was what we do. No?)

Currently, Johnson holds over 80 patents, with over 20 more pending, and the author of several publications on spacecraft power systems.

I’d say that I’m sorry for slipping in a random gospel song except I’m not. God is everywhere! Even in random stories about my left foot.

I often get super short texts from Spank instead of phone calls.
Spanky is a girl living in a digital world.
I’m cool with it. At least she’s thinking enough of me to keep me updated.
(Also, generally, these texts will turn into conversations about what’s new in college life)

She told me she was going to a party. Then I got a text that said:
Black girls in Boston: Black Girls that can’t dance.

Yeah. She’s that black girl. And quite frankly, I’m not taking any blame. Because she’s got rhythm.
She didn’t wanna LEARN to dance. So her not knowing how to dance? Not my fault.
Because I sure did a lot of dancing at home. And in public. Because nothing is more fun that embarrassing my kids.
(Nesto didn’t teach either of the kids to dance. Because gangsters don’t dance, they boogie)
And you know how most black people learn how to dance?
From their families: mostly cousins and older siblings. (Included: “play” cousins, god sisters/brothers. THEY ARE SO PART OF THE FAMILY.)
Because most dancing happens in everyday spaces, children often dance with older members of the community around their homes and neighborhoods, at parties and dances, on special occasions, or whenever groups of people gather to ‘have a good time’.
Cultural dance traditions are therefore often cross-generational traditions, with younger dancers often ‘reviving’ dances from previous generations, albeit with new ‘cool’ variations and ‘styling’.

That’s right! Like people everywhere, our traditions, including dancing were passed down. But UNLIKE people everywhere, the passing of traditions was likely to get you killed. Back in ye olde slave times, dancing helped enslaved Africans connect with their homeland keeping their cultural traditions alive. Which. YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW, TOBY. THIS YO’ HOME NOW. *cough* Sorry.

Before enslavement, Africans danced for special occasions, such as a birth or a marriage, or as a part of their daily activities and dance affirmed life and the outlook of a better future. African-Americans sang and danced while working as slaves, and as they converted to the religions of the Americas, they incorporated these traditions into these religions. Blacks who worked in the colonies of Spain, Portugal, the Caribbean, and South America were given more freedom to dance than enslaved Blacks in North America. Many North American slave owners barred Africans from most forms of dancing Africans found ways of getting around these prohibitions. For example, since lifting the feet was considered dancing, many dances included foot shuffling and hip and torso movement.

The dances of the plantation moved onto the stage through Minstrel shows, which introduced black dance to large audiences during the 1800s. As popular entertainment, both Blacks and whites performed them. Initially, Blacks appeared as giant teddy bears while some white girl struggling with the her transition from Disney teen queen to “adult” “twerked” and made exaggerated facial expressions that I can only assume was her take on what black girls looked like while dancing caricatures that were often ridiculed, but they drew from their cultural traditions even as they made fun of themselves. In 1891, The Creole Show, a revue staged on Broadway introduced The Cakewalk, the FIRST (but certainly NOT THE LAST) dance created by Blacks to become popular with the white population. Other black-influenced dance trends that followed were the Charleston, the Lindy Hop, the Jitterbug, and the Twist. The 1920s and 1930s were an especially fruitful time for black dance in the United States. During the Harlem Renaissance, similar innovations in theater, music, literature, and other arts accompanied African-American developments in dance. Black musical theater, derived from minstrel shows, continued to popularize and legitimize black dance traditions and black performers, as it had in the 19th century and continues into the present day.

In fact, have y’all seen Azonto? Azonto is a dance and a music genre originating from Ghana. (I’m not giving y’all the whole background and junk. Look it up! That’s what the internet is for. Not you know… PORN) This is one of my favorite videos. It’s fun! And cute! And, oh, FOR FUCKS SAKE, WATCH IT.

I can’t wait until white people start doing this. Oh WAIT.*

*Cultural appropriation: When a group (usually the dominant group in society, though not always) takes aspects of another culture without permission and adopts it as part of its own, often without recognition(or acknowledgment) to the roots and history of the cultural tradition in question.

Who doesn’t love a good sing along?
Not me! I LOVE sing alongs.

A short list of sing alongs that I’ve gone to:

• Nightmare before Christmas – a midnight showing!
• Little Mermaid – Where Gwen Stefani snuck in at the last minute with her kid. And then had to sneak back out because even though we were in Hollywood, people were acting like they’ve never seen a rock star with a kid.
• The Sound of Music – YOU GUYS. This one is the best! You can dress up and they have everybody in costume walk the stage and it’s at the Hollywood Bowl so you can also drink! Please note that the pre-show and mid-show stuff makes this sing along the LONGEST SING ALONG EVER, but. YOU CAN ALSO DRINK.

I haven’t gone to a Frozen sing along. Although I’ve heard that I should. Because I STILL haven’t seen it.

I used to take the brat because those things are for kids. So I would bring one for form. I don’t have any “kids” anymore. So I guess I’m gonna start borrowing my nieces for this kinda shit. Or not. Because really, I DO WHAT I WANT. INCLUDING GOING TO SING ALONGS.

What does ANY of this have to do with the BHFOTD?
Well you guys..It’s Friday. And I’ve been busy. And so this BHFOTD is gonna be short(ish) and sweet. And about Chuck Berry.

Chuck Berry is one of the pioneers of rock and roll music. He refined and developed rhythm and blues into the major elements that made rock and roll distinctive, with lyrics focusing on teen life and consumerism and utilizing guitar solos and showmanship that would be a major influence on subsequent rock music.

Berry was among the first musicians to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on its opening in 1986, with the comment that he “laid the groundwork for not only a rock and roll sound but a rock and roll stance.” Berry is included in several Rolling Stone “Greatest of All Time” lists, including being ranked fifth on their 2004 list of the 100 Greatest Artists of All Time. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame’s 500 Songs that Shaped Rock and Roll included three of Chuck Berry’s songs: “Johnny B. Goode,” “Maybellene,” and “Rock and Roll Music.”

Berry STILL continues to play live. He just had his 200th show at Blueberry Hill (restaurant/club) on January 15th. OF THIS YEAR. If that’s not rock and roll, nothing is!

I feel like everybody should have a favorite Chuck Berry song. My personal favorite is “Brown-Eyed Handsome Man”.
For reasons. Hey, baby, hey.

But did you know that Chuck Berry only had ONE Number one pop hit? Like to hear it, here it go! You’re welcome guys.

Happy Friday!

I’m not a kid anymore. But some days I sit and wish I was a kid again.

Not really. Well. Okay. Maybe SOMETIMES. Because I miss playing outside!
Tag! Climbing trees! Riding my bike! Ding dong ditch! (‘cause I was bad)
Stuff kids don’t do anymore. Because they’re boring…
and might break their electronic devices when they take them outside
because GOD FORBID YOU PUT THE FEKKING THING DOWN AND JUST ENJOY YOURSELF.
(Ahem. Yes. I am the pot calling all y’all kettles black)
(To be fair though, I DO have so much fun that I put my phone down. Which is why I’m always leaving it somewhere)
(SHADDUP)

Anyways. I hope that y’all are old enough to have had the kind of childhoods where you spent time outdoors.
I (mostly) appreciated it. I DID NOT appreciate:
     1. Being told to go play outside when NOBODY was around to play with and so basically me and Nisha just sat out on auntie Ve’s              front porch mad because there was nothing to do and they wouldn’t let us back in.
     2. Having to stay within eyeshot because some of my friends lived around the corner/waaaayyy down the street and if they didn’t              come to me I couldn’t go to them.
     3. The mad dash home because I had to be home before the street lights came on. Because y’all don’t wanna know about what                 happens when you don’t beat the street lights home.
          a. I’m sure you can console yourself, Mommy, with the fact that the statute of limitations is probably up on beating your children.
          b. And also you moved out of the state.
          c. And also I’m grown so I can’t call the people on you.
               i. Which if I HAD (as a child), they better hadda came and got me. Because SHEEEIIIIT.

And with #3, let’s get to today’s fact! Back in the day when I wasn’t alive, there were towns that were purposely all-white. And to make sure they stayed that way they posted signs saying that black people had to leave town by sundown. OR ELSE* Usually the signs weren’t that polite. For instance, in the 1930’s, Hawthorne (CALIFORNIA. CALIFORNIA) had a sign posted that said “Nigger, Don’t let the sun set on YOU in Hawthorne”.

This exclusionary practice was borne out of the north where many African Americans made their living by working as domestic servants in white homes and towns. Nightly curfews were implemented to “encourage” domestic workers to leave the town after their daytime shifts ended. In some cases, the exclusion was an OFFICIAL town policy or restrictive covenants agreed to by the real estate agents in the community. In others, the policy was enforced through intimidation. This intimidation could occur in a number of ways, including harassment by the officers of the (G-DAMN) law.

I would like to leave this here for a second and talk about what a pain in the ass it is to travel through PREDOMINANTLY white towns like, Irvine, and Beverly Hills, and the like. Because they routinely stop people of color for going 1 mile over the speed limit or because “you look like someone reported as a suspect in the area” (we don’t all look alike! Just ask Lawrence Fishburne!)

“Do you know why I pulled you over?” My guess is that saying because I’m black would not help your cause at ALL, even though it’s true.

Moving on. Since the Civil Rights Movement of the 1950s and 1960s, and especially since the Civil Rights Act of 1968 prohibited racial discrimination concerning the sale, rental, and financing of housing, the number of sundown towns has decreased. DECREASED. Not disappeared (Please see above mentioned cities)

And so that’s today’s fact guys! Back in the day, when I wasn’t alive and today, in 2014, there are towns where being black after dark is a crime. Which I guess isn’t so surprising, since it’s also a crime in the DAYTIME in some towns. And I guess I could probably say some STATES too, since Florida has been in the news because you can KILL a black boy, but if you shoot and MISS him, then you might go jail for attempted murder. But I’m not gonna. Because I feel like those things aren’t related at all.

*OR ELSE – Harassment, and Violence, and Lynchings! Oh SHIT My!

So this weekend I was in Vegas. Blah blah…concert…blah blah…Queens of the Stone Age…
I talked my husband into sending me to Vegas for Valentine’s Day because JOSH HOMME.
But from far away, because J.Ho is 6’5. And y’all know how I feel about the unnaturally tall.

Nesto didn’t wanna go. Because he doesn’t love Vegas. Or rock music, really. Which is okay.
Because he loves ME. All the time, so I didn’t need a special day to show me he loves me.
(also: he gave me some spendin’ cash, which when you’re going to Vegas is a lot like love)
Also, you guys…I also would like to take a second to talk about their drummer. Because DAMN.
Captian Obvious comment of the day: He’s black!

Which has nothing to do with anything except that we’re talking about black people and shit that black people do. And that IS a fact. Not THE fact. Just A fact.

Actually today’s fact has to do with the fact that while we were flying to/from Vegas, I was watching the Olympics. Because who isn’t?! I’ve been watching a lot of ice skating. Because it’s all I seem to be able to catch. Which is fine. Because I love ice skating! (Tooooe pick!)

Fun fact: I took an ice skating class in High School. Nobody is surprised by this right? This is a perk of having an ice skating rink one block from your high school. I’m not terrible, but I can’t do THIS.

This badass is Surya Bonaly, French-American professional figure skater. She is a three-time World silver medalist, a five-time European champion, the 1991 World Junior Champion and a nine-time French national champion. She’s also the first woman to ever attempt the quadruple toe loop.

But! She’ll go down in history for as the only figure skater to complete one bladed back flip during free skate at the 1998 Winter Olympics. To this day she is the only skater to ever do this – not the only female figure skater, the only figure skater period. (Oh look! A black history fact and a regular ol’ HISTORY fact rolled into one.) Backflips had been deemed not a legal move because all jumps must be landed on one blade to be scored and in order to complete a back flip you must land on both feet. So basically she MADE the backflip legal because she was able to do it using one blade. It was still ruled illegal and deducted against her final score. Also! She believed that the judges had been consistently giving her lower scores than her white figure skating counter parts* and that move was a big EFF YOU to the judges.
After the 1998 Olympics, Surya Bonaly retired from amateur competitions, began competing professionally and won many professional titles. She toured with Champions on Ice for several years. And In 2004, Bonaly became a U.S. citizen and moved to the United States.

She currently teaching skating in Las Vegas, Nevada (Hey! I was just there! Not ice skating, though. Drinking. And gambling. And concerting –a lovely valentine’s day song. You’re welcome.)

Look at that! All roads lead back to Vegas!

*I mean, I can’t say that she wasn’t discriminated against. Maybe in a sport where there are few black people she struggled because in general we are taught we have to be twice as good to get half as much, she felt put upon to do more and still felt like she wasn’t getting what she deserved. Maybe even when she DID more, she got dinged for being better. Maybe because EVEN in 2014 a 10-time figure skating world champion, a triple Olympic gold medallist posted some racist BS to the entire world so it would stand to reason that in 1998 a young black girl would feel like maybe the judges were being assholes because she’s black. But maybe not. Who knows?

Y’all know that I work at a big fancy hospital right? FANCY. We are SOFA KING Fancy up in this place! Hospital to the rich and jackassy famous!

So lemme tell y’all a story about how I found out that Denzel Washington was handsome! (Shaddup. Not everybody thinks he’s gorgeous. I happen to think he has ABNORMALLY LARGE TEETH. And a whole lot of them) ANYWAYS, I was walking to lunch and not watching where I was going (as usual) and some dude was ALSO not watching where he was going plows into me. Luckily he caught me before he threw me to the ground! Then he asked me if I knew where Dr. Keith Black’s office was. Which I didn’t. And because I’m sometimes helpful, I pointed him toward the security guard

 And then 5 minutes later, I was like HEY. THAT WAS DENZEL WASHINGTON*. Huh. He’s not bad looking.

Also: He looks a LOT like Dr Black. Just me? MAYBE WE ALL *DO* LOOK ALIKE.

Today’s riddle! What do Dr Black and today’s BHFOTD have in common? Neurosurgeon-ness!

The details regarding the first African-American neurosurgeon, Clarence Sumner Greene, Sr., have remained in relative obscurity. Born on December 26, 1901 in Washington, D.C., Dr. Greene received his M.D. from the Howard University College of Medicine with distinction in 1936. After 7 years of general surgery residency and 4 years as a professor of surgery at Howard University, he was granted the opportunity by the legendary Wilder G. Penfield to train in neurosurgery at the world-renowned Montreal Neurological Institute from 1947 to 1949. Receiving high praise from Dr. Penfield, Dr. Greene became the first African-American certified by the American Board of Neurological Surgery on October 22, 1953. Subsequently, he was appointed as chair of neurosurgery at Howard University, where he successfully treated intracranial aneurysms, brain tumors, and herniated intervertebral discs until his tragic death in 1957.

*I am allowed to tell this story if I want. It doesn’t violate any patient/doctor confidentiality type situations. And if it did (but it didn’t), let’s just pretend I said his name to SMENZEL SMASHINGTON. Good day, sir (and ma’ams)!