I was talking to my sissie while I drove around town running errands(hands-free guys. Calm your tits). I got in a workout, a quick stop at the Farmer’s Market by my house and an even quicker trip to the mall to pick up a gift card for my neighbor’s tween-ager. Is that a word?
Whatever. You know what I’m talking about. And they’re worse to shop for than ACTUAL teenagers in my opinion.

I pass a police car. Because, listen. I don’t care if you ARE the officer of the god damn law. If you’re going 20 miles an hour for no apparent reason, there’s a pretty good chance I’m gonna pass you if the speed limit allows. I am NOT afraid of the police. I’m a grown ass woman.


I don’t think the police lady person cared for that too much because she went through too much effort to catch up to me. BUT. I got into the turning lane because THIS IS WHERE I TURN TO GO HOME.
I see her pull up behind me in the next lane to run my license plate. And because I’m an asshole, I made sure to look back and make eye contact. I also made sure she saw the “FUCK YOU” implied in my raised eyebrow.

I know that SOME police officers get off on seeing if people are bold enough to pass them when they’re driving like assholes. (Yes. Yes they do. One of the many jobs I had growing up was at the CHP, and I remember them laughing about it)
And yes. I am bold enough. But here’s the thing: Why SHOULDN’T I pass you? Why are you going out of your way to intimidate people? Why are you running my plates hoping I got tickets or warrants or a REASON for you to pull me over?


So. Nah. I’m not scared for you to run my plates. I don’t have a reason to be. And really, even if I HAD gotten pulled over, I probably still would’ve been low-key talking slick. ‘Cause I’m an asshole, but I’m not STUPID.

FOR THE RECORD, I’ve had more positive experiences (and by that I mean not awful) with law enforcement than bad ones. I mean, at least once a year (at our annual tailgate) some asshole calls the cops because LOUD PARTIES ARE LOUD.
And the cops are pretty good natured and polite when they come over to tell us our jackass neighbors (the ones who weren’t invited) want us to be quiet in the middle of the afternoon because we’re having too much fun.
(Relatedly: why are all the cops in my neighborhood UCLA alumni/fans?)

But one thing I can say about all of the bad experiences is that they’ve been bad because of the police officer.
Because they start off bad. Because they jump out the car talking shit from the very beginning.
And I have questions. SO MANY QUESTIONS:
Why is that a thing? Why am I supposed to show you respect when it is not reciprocated?
Why are so many of y’all so quick to act a fool and then want to claim self-defense/threat to your safety when y’all come at the public (of color) sideways from the jump?
Why are y’all out here wilding out like y’all don’t know the age of camera phones are upon you and mother fuckers are tired of your bullshit and are now filming you for their own (and others) safety?
Why do y’all act like y’all don’t have any idea why most of the public (of color) can’t trust y’all?
Why do my white friends with black babies need to worry about having “the talk” wherein they gotta tell them that yeah, sometimes the police will target you because you’re black.
Why do black/brown people grow up afraid of the police?

I’m SURE THEY’RE NOT ALL LIKE THAT. But really, who has the time to figure out which ones are the cops and which ones are the decepticons when they’re all wearing the same uniform?